I posit, that adults find comfort believing that their numerical age testifies to their level of maturity. A delusion perhaps, that they may be immune from common childhood emotions. In fact, we know, that adults can feel rage in levels beyond that of a child’s capacity, jealousy, or hate. Adults can even humiliate each other. So why all the focus on kids? I’ll comment on that gladly after a few points. Do young parents value emotional intelligence quotients? It’s possible that today, young families are attracted to the values of these ideas which is cause for optimism.
Adults find coping mechanisms, tools, beliefs, and strategies in general, to overcome their difficulties. They should take time to share that also with their own children, by finding outlets that are age appropriate. While we have been battered and bruised in life, tried and challenged, uplifted and encouraged, disappointed and pleased, children have sometimes less at their disposal. Some parents may be offering more assistance of this kind, than their peer classmate is getting at their respective home. Maybe that is why, some emotions spill over? Not always do kids have the luxury or ability to remove themselves mentally, just far and long enough from the emotion, in order to communicate and strategize on how to feel better about the situation. Sadly, in some cases, it seems evident that adults have trouble knowing how to offer compassion to the kids who encounter everyday problems. At best, they need attention. That is very true in cases where values centered on competing, may become more important in the household than building harmony is. The goal ought to be, a family which can share complaints with one another and maybe even about each other, face to face, without retaliation. Sometimes kids see parent’s shortcomings and parents refuse to own up. Visa versa. If there is no aim to work toward resolution, the pupil’s positive growth might result in being inhibited. Or, an incident in a school might occur, with blame to go around everywhere.
And so, it’s every bit as important as learning common subjects is, to receive compassion with regard to learning how to manage the feelings that are valid, no matter how obscure or bizarre they may seem to the observer or socially oriented worker.
In grade school, guidance counselors and psychologists, and/or the school nurse, have an important task in partnership with teachers, in recognizing troubled youth. As the goals intensify, in hurried and vast curriculums; and as emotional outlets might be in a diminish, youth can find their frustrations building… with no optimism that the pressure will decline.
These school employees need to (in my view) not laud over-achievement, should recognize, counter, and caution excessive shyness, should discourage excessive classroom disruptions, and so forth. Sometimes, the counselors or other school staff might recognize that a particular sport, or a music program, is exactly what a particular youth need. Maybe the pupil needs to be permitted to drop a class, or be held back a year? Such school employees should take the initiative to contact the pupil’s parent(s), to suggest emotional outlets that are fitting to the particular student in such circumstances.
Maybe a karate class outside of school, a religious program, dance, or private tutoring, are investments that will truly help to prevent the “water from boiling over” into drastic and tragic events.
And, these employees should also respect the parents’ decisions with regard to extra-curricular activities. It is even perfectly acceptable to home school.
Worried or simply conscientious parents of the very young, might look at a website that seems youth oriented and well-meaning: “operationrespect.org” . Emotional intelligence is a life asset that some adults lack from time to time (as we face certain pressures), but is evermore essential for both adults and youth alike.